Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mom's death and it's been twelve years, but nothing will ever take away the void. It's never a happy occasion to have to put your mother into the ground. Or your Dad. Anyone you have ever loved, it's the hardest thing to deal with. Nobody wants to have to say goodbye to a loved one.
Anyway, my mom was a beautiful person, inside and out and she will be forever missed. It does get better over time, but it does not change the fact she is gone and is never coming back. There will be no other Cheryl Anne. Nobody just like her.
I spent time at my home yesterday, and hated the fact that I got harassed by one lunatic in my building in particular and all I could think of is, give me some privacy on the the day of my mother's death date anniversary. He was bullying me in the hallway.
He's been teaching a friend's kid it's okay to do it too, and it finally made me mad enough to take out my trash, and then go over to a group of mom's and the kid. I told them and the kid he's not to name call me in the hallway and on my porch. I told the kid he can say it all he wants somewhere else, but quite frankly I told him and the moms, I'm an adult and the kid shouldn't do it. Told the Mom's that he's a little kid and doesn't know better.
And I was glad to have one of the Mom's tell the kid it's disrespectful. Should have thanked her but I didn't think.
I had told the kid respect your elders.
Does anyone hear anyone say Elder anymore? I mean, I grew up in the age where all of the adults told us, "Respect your elders." I don't hear that very much nowadays. But that's how we used to get told some manners.
Kids are little and just don't realize what they are doing wrong. Anyway, that was that little moment. One of the mom's got bent out of shape I was bringing it up, but I wasn't going to stand for having a kid bullying me, an adult in my hallway or on the porch all the time, when I can hear 100% correctly and to hear him bullying me as soon as the kid sees me come outside or come back from somewhere. It's not appropriate, disrespectful and not appreciated.
Well, those are the memories I would rather not remember. We all have good memories and bad ones. We don't want to remember what has been done to us. But, I guess we do because we can't forget it. Some we can forgive and some of it we will never forgive.
Losing someone you love is bad as well, it's hard to remember how much pain my Mom was in. She suffered with the Colon Cancer for about three years, stage four when she found out and they told her she had one month to live. She got three years!!!
Anyway, I miss her every day, and right about now, I wish she were here with me while I endure all this uncalled for torture from lunatics. It's not fair she's gone.
It's not fair to have anyone taken from you too early. We can accept things so much more when we know they have had a full life. Mom only had a half a life. I want to have a full life. Like I've said several other times, I want to live long like Grandma Moses. 100 or more is a very full life.
I want to be able to finish writing and publishing all my novels without worrying that I'm going to be plagerized by hackers who have retrieved my stuff before it's even finished. I deserve to be able to finish writing my Mom's recipe book and the story of her life. I deserve to write and publish that. And like Stephen King, I have the right to write about something that happened to me and make it different in a fiction novel. That's my right. It's not slander.
Like one of my other novels got loosely based on something that happened to me a few years ago when one of my daughter's little friend's stole some nail polish. It just kick started a novel that is nothing to do with them and no stolen nail polish ever enters the novel. But we as authors have a right to use little bits and pieces of our lives in our fiction. How can we not?
And I will have every right to write The Price of Being a Good Samaritan. It's of course going to be different than what has happened to me, but I have a right to write and publish it someday without worrying these lunatics are going to hunt me down because I've just published. They don't have the right. And I'm not going to let any of them threaten me ever to not write and publish my novels. I'm going to get my new laptop and finish what I need to do. And I hope the FBI will help me crack down on these hackers.
Hacking is a terrible thing.
And I will be publishing as Jennifer Jo Fay. I don't want some pen name and I want to write under the name I was born with. I would want it so that people see I've published under my name and the people who know me would know I finally published again. That's my right.
And my memories are my memories. They deserve to get published in books. I like that there are little snippets of me in my novels. Not that a stranger could pick all of it out, but it makes the novel more real.
Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted June 27, 2013