The Authentic Life: dating

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Monday, January 30, 2012

I love myself enough to walk away

Divorce and separation are never an easy thing. But when you know that it isn't going to work out you really have to love yourself enough to walk away.

When things are really rough and you don't like how you are being treated, you need to look at things in perspective. Is it more harmful to me to stay in this marriage? Is it hurting me to stay?

Sometimes women stay in a marriage even though they are being treated badly. They think they love the guy and are willing to stay and keep getting shattered every day. They take the hurtful words and let them dig into their bodies and destroy their minds.

When do you know that you need to get yourself out? If you really love yourself, you will walk away before it is too late. A harmful, hurtful marriage will slowly eat at you and destroy you until there is no end and you will start to get the blurry eyes and you won't know what is good and what is bad.

Get out now.

When you have kids, it is harder to leave. Many women want to stay in the marriage for their sake. They want their children to be in an intact marriage. But it is no good for the children, when they can clearly see that Mom or Dad is unhappy. Unhappy parents make for unhappy kids. And an unhealthy childhood.

Leave. They will thank you for it. It means that you are just going to have new beginnings where you are going to be happy. That is what you want. Perhaps a new love. I did. I found new love and fresh starts. And my kids are happy for me.

And the thing you want to stress to your kids the most, is that when Mom and Dad get divorced it doesn't mean that you are going to love them any less. You want them to know that you are always going to love them. That hasn't changed. Mom and Dad both love you. Love for your children never should change. You don't want them to feel angry that Mom or Dad doesn't love them anymore. That isn't true and you know it. But sometimes they don't know it and it is your job to tell them that you love them. Often.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted January 30, 2012

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How to Make Compromises

We all need to learn the good practice of compromising. It is what makes a good marriage work really well and last for a long time. There are many times when we need to learn the art of the compromise.

Have you ever been in a long relationship or a marriage where you suddenly had to sit down, talk things out and learn to compromise? Maybe you needed to express the things that you really wanted to strongly stand behind and your partner wasn't willing to do something for you.

This is when you need to talk things out. Together as a team you need to decide what is important and then you need to work out a compromise to the situation that is going to work for you.

Maybe you want your lover, boyfriend or husband to help out more around the house. And maybe he would like you to try not to nag him as much. This is when you both need to realize what you want to happen with each other and make sure that things get played out to your liking. Obviously, you want a change to happen in the sitution.

Maybe there is something he does all the time and you really don't like it. And maybe there are things you do that are the same for him. You both need to realize your faults and you need to work at it to make them better.

Maybe you just wish that he would bring you flowers a little more often. Or express his love for you a little more. Or maybe you want something different to happen in the bedroom. You both need to discuss your wants and desires. Lay it out on the table and express your needs. If you do this often, things will change for the better if you are both willing to work at your relationships.

A good marriage or long lasting relationship is always open to compromise. If you don't talk things out, you will always be wishing for something more. And perhaps you won't end up getting it, because you didn't push for it. And maybe the relationship will fizzle.

So if you want a relationship to last forever, learn the art of good compromising skills. And always talk it out in a positive way. Don't turn it into a yelling match. Nobody likes to be criticized and hurt. Harsh words always kill and you find yourself eating your words for breakfast.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted January 25, 2012