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Friday, March 8, 2013

The Good Mother

The best birthday present for me last month was seeing the last of my neighbors go away.  Packed up and left and the locks got changed and a lovely for rent sign.  Thank God.

So, now my life is getting back to normal and my priority is seeing my kids again.  Makes me so mad as I have always been a wonderful mother to them.  I've never EVER threatened or Endangered them in any way shape or form.

I've always been the mother who made them cookies, cakes, you name it everything under the sun, basically.  I was a stay at home mom for 12 years, then went to a part time job in retail for about four years and then decided to switch to selling on Ebay and was able to have more time with my kids.  That has been great and it's important as their mother to continue to have that Motherly privileges.

I've never put my children in harm's way.  It's too bad when some Mothers or Fathers do this to their kids.  When they don't watch them constantly.  It only takes a second for them to run into the street, swallow something accidentally or anything.  Kids seek danger without knowing it all the time and it's important as a parent to keep a close eye on them.

I have always been there to know what my kids are doing.  Nowadays it has been laptop central, as they are older and the online games are a hit.  And during the summer, there was always pool days where I would take them to the pool a lot while their dad worked all day.  Unsupervised by another adult and my children were perfectly fine all the time.

In the fall time of last year my girls and I would have lots of fun.  I was the good mom who gave up my laptop so my youngest could have her fun doing the online games.  She had an old laptop that didn't work for her online games.

So good old mom gave up and did my knitting and other crafts or did some handwriting to my novels.  I had my conflicts away from their house, but I never once let it interrupt my quality time with my kids.  We had lots of fun.  I always have been a fun mom.

I've taken them to the library for story time when they were younger, the parks, MacDonald's for happy meals, the movies, etc....

I always was the mother to make sure that they were occupied.  Of course there were times when they had to do things by themselves.  There are four of them, and lets just say that Mom's housework multiplied times 4.

And then, one day they got older and were all in preschool and the bigger grades, and yes, Mom didn't need to constantly be by their side.  But it never made me stop doing things for them.

As a Mom, you always are there for your children.  I love my Children and would never do anything to hurt them, harm them EVER.  I think most of us parents can speak for ourselves when we would take the shirt off our backs for them.

I ran over my minutes on my phone talking to them this past month, as I couldn't see them.  I'm so glad I'm going to get to see them again.

I'm going to be blunt.  I've had a hard ten years, but will not go into it.  People have lied to me, treated me like crap, and some got away with it when they shouldn't have.

But, the fact is coming that someday my kids are going to be older and they will have nobody to tell them No or Yes.  And they will be able to speak for themselves and make their own choices.

I've always been the mother that would let my kids make their own choices.  Yes, even Mom had her limit and there was disapline, but I am also always going to be their friend.

I think that my children have been probably quietly thanking me for the last four years, as I've always been a roll model parent for them.  I was separated, but I never once bad mouthed their father, and had a good relationship with their Gramma.  I always looked forward to when she would come over and help clean my ex's house.  Hey, we both tried to help keep the big house clean.

And now the kids have a new sister to play with as my ex has a new girlfriend who has a little girl.  I met them in the fall and they were very nice, and I considered her like a new friend for me.  And her little girl wouldn't leave my side.  She loved watching me knit and I would help her play different little games on my Nook book.

My sister and different people would always be so amazed at how well my ex and I would get along for the kids sake.  That's important.  I always felt bad for the ones, who would constantly be pitted between the two parents who would fight all the time and I decided I wouldn't be that kind of parent.

It's important for children to have both parents in their lives regardless of where they live.  Yes, I live separately from them, but I love them and care for them just as much as a mother who lives with them.

I feel that now my life can get back to normal and get back to seeing my children like it should be.  The schedule might be a little different for a bit, but we'll get there.  Hey, it may end up working out well, whatever it may be.  Especially with my novel writing and other endeavors.  My plate is full!!!!

But, no matter what projects and accomplishments I have going for me, my kids are always number one.  Yes, I would like to start dating again, but the kids come first.  Whoever, I date someday, will have to know and like my kids, because they are my number one.

I used to have family ask if I would move back to Maine.  This was after I got separated.  I would always tell them that no, I need to be with my kids.  Yes, if I hadn't had kids when I got separated from my ex, I would have left the state immediately after what he did to me.  Hey, all I will say about that is NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.  End of subject.

But, I am thankful to him for giving me my four wonderful children and I would always be civil to him and friends with him for the sake of my kids.  I foresee me someday with someone to love me too and for all of us to just be good friends.

Some people can do that, be able to have good terms with the new girlfriends, the in laws and basically everyone.  I always went to my ex's house for Thanksgiving even though we were separated.  And we had good times.

For my girls birthday party, my family came to visit and my ex's parents came over and we had a blast.  It was like old times, even though we were separated, we just had sheer fun, joking and the whole nine yards.

It's funny how, when you are a younger mom starting out and there's things that make you mad about maybe say something the in laws maybe didn't like about anything.  And I'm talking about sweating the small stuff.  A homemade sweater being taken off one of my babies, when I wanted it on.  The little stuff that builds up and bothers a young mother.

Over the years, I learned to let it all go.  It's important to forgive people, as it sets you free.  I forgave my ex for the not nice things he did to me, forgave lots of people and I feel so much better when I can do that.

I'm an open person, I say what I feel, wear my heart on my sleeve.  That's just me and there's no changing that.

It's the terrible people in the world, I cannot forgive.  You know, the not nice people who go around killing people.  The Connecticut shooting, any criminal who thinks they can harass someone and get away with it.  Sorry, it's those kind of people who make the world a not very nice place and all good people need to work to make sure that there is peace in the world.

My daughter's can hardly wait to see my cats.  They've been waiting a long time as I was telling them that they need to wait for the not nice people to move.  And now they are gone!!!!!

I'm enjoying getting back to typing on my laptop.  I've got lots of books I want to get published with Kindle Publishing hopefully at least one this year.  I'm thinking of my awesome fantasy trilogy.  I want to get The Glorious Money Tree published.  I'm 159 pages into it typed and have more chapters to put in.  And I've got some other novels in the process.  The Thief Who Wouldn't Learn, Red Ribbons, another book, and my two recipe books and a knitting book.  Good lord, that's going to take a lot of time, but well worth it.

I told my sister this is a choice I made to spend this time working on them, and commit myself to publishing them.  I'm very patient and I told her I would rather try than to sit back and not try.  Like the old saying goes, Reach for the Moon and you may get it, if you don't you will never know.

Why let a boat said when there could be a ship of dreams waiting for you?  You never know.  I still have been eating up a lovely comment that The Glorious Money Tree has the same starts as Fifty Shades of Grey, only better.  Loved it and will hug that comment close, but still will not knock on wood.

We never know when something is going to be a hit.  Some of us try forever and never maybe get famous, while others just hit it lucky and wind up on a foreign path they never went on before.

Life changed for me four years ago, when I got separated, but I never stopped loving my kids, and got lucky to be kind of like a stay at home mother again in the last year or so.  It was great.  And things are going to change again, but the thing that will not leave is my love for my children and all the fun times we have together.  It may be different for a little bit, but everything takes getting used to.  It all works out. New schedules can have a positive change.  I will say, it was nice to have my alone time too, even though I love my children.

Everyone needs space sometimes.  It never means we stop loving our children, but we all need space.  My Mother once said that it is important to never lose sight of yourself.  Don't stop being who you are for the sake of your children.  Still be all the things that make you you, because your children will love you even better for it.  It really makes you a better mom.

I'm foreseeing that now can be my time also to focus on all my novels and to make a name for myself in the writing world.  I am a writer first and foremost, well after being a mom of course.  Being a parent is always going to be my biggest accomplishment.  I'm like my Mom, that all the good family values need to be instilled in my kids.  She was a stay at home mom and I vowed to follow her footsteps.

I'm very much like my Mother and I always will be.  Sometimes I wonder if it's hard for my Dad to see me, as I am so much like her.  My sister and brother are like her too of course, but I don't know, maybe it's because I believed in all that she did and put her on a pedestal that I kind of feel very much like her.  I'm different of course too.  No two people can be exactly alike.  There's never the same stone turned over exactly the same.

I feel so strongly about my novels and really want to work at them, create my own covers, illustrations, do my own editing and publish myself with Kindle.  It's a process, but it is very important for me to see this through.  I will not ever stop writing them for anyone.

I kind of feel that it is a legacy I would leave for my children someday.  I've got the first published novel, Black Roses under my belt and I want to keep publishing.  We're in a day and age where self publishing is on the rise and I love, love love the fact that Kindle Publishing is free to do.  At least with the e-books which is the way I am going.

So, I am taking this time to hopefully see a dream come true.  Hey, at least I should have the chance to try.  And it's my choice.

And then there is the knitting, and the craft shows I want to do in the fall.  Maybe now that my kids are getting older, this may just be the time where Mom needs to work on all of this stuff to make a name for myself.  Oh, and $$$  would also be nice to go along with it.  I'm not asking to be a J.K.Rowling.  I'm asking  to be Jennifer Jo. Fay.  Which I already am, but to be famous would surely be nice.  It's my pipe dream, but well, you never know.

I know I am a good writer.  Becoming a better one, still always learning to be even better that before.  And a writer needs change, and new perspectives and to seek the positive in everything that comes ones way.  Don't look for the negatives in life or anything as it will always drag you down if you let it.

Hey, I had some conflicts a while ago, but I didn't let it bog me down, stop me from doing what I love, stop me from enjoying my children.  I made the most of it and I enjoyed each day I had with them, I blogged, I wrote my novels, I knitted, I sold on Ebay and I didn't let any conflict stop me from the things I love.

I tried not to involve my kids much in it, but they did know a little bit that I was having trouble with my neighbors and that they couldn't see the cats till they were gone.  And now, I am glad they have gone and my life is getting back to normal.

And my children come first, my novels come second.  I am a writer and I plan to keep doing it for as long as I live.  It's me.  You take the writer and artist away from me, it's Mom without the stuff that flows through my veins.  Hey, don't tell people to be something they aren't.

What is right for one person is wrong for someone else.  To each his own.  Listen, take what is going to work for you and let everything else go in one ear aend out the other.

And when people treat you badly, get past it and move on.  That's what I'm doing.  But I will say, one never forgets it either, so always treat people how you would like to be treated as you may find yourself eating your words for breakfast.

And Karma always comes around in the end.  But, hey if we're good to people always then good is what we deserve to get.  It's really too bad that the world doesn't operate like that.  Good people try to be good all the time and people treat them like crap.  It's just too bad that everyone in the world can't be nice to people. It's all we ever ask for is for people to be nice to others.

Help one another.  Lend a hand, make the world a better place.  We only want positive things.  Happiness is the number one goal in life.

To just be plain old happy.  Right?  In that way, I am like my Mother and my Nana.  Her Mom.  We possess a happy disposition always no matter what life brings our way.  We are easy going.  Well, I am easy going.  They are easy going in their graves, and oh, yes they have rolled over a few times.  Hey, also it is the hard knocks of life that makes us stronger. You can never have the good without the bad.

But, never let the bad break you down.  It's never the way to stay.  Let your grudges slide into the ravine and begin again.  You will thank yourself for it because we all know this life is short and we have to make the best of it, forge through, learn new things, accept all changes whether it be for the good or the worse.  Don't look at it that your full glass got empty.

It didn't get empty.  Well, maybe it looks that way because the wine, beer, soda, tea, coffee or whatever other substance spilled out.  It didn't.  It's just that there is some invisible, tangible newness that's there waiting for you to discover what is waiting beyond what you know.

There is something glorious within the unknown, so I say embrace it.  And don't let anything stand in your way.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted March 9, 2013



I love Bruce Willis saying from Armegeddon.  God Gave Us Children, so we can have Roses in December.  It's so true.  Once your children are born, they will always be yours and nobody can take that away from you.  Yes, they can sometimes get a new step mother or step father, but the important thing is for them to know that they can never EVER ERASE you!  You are the birth mother, the father who brought them into this world and you have that forever.  Children only have one mother and father for a reason.

But also I always love the saying from someone from their Elementary once.  I had a tote bag with the saying on it.

It Takes A Community to Raise a Child.  It really does.  You can't shut the world out to them.  Everyone in their life is important to them in one way or another and we have to let them take what they want from it.  Never be forceful and not let them do certain things.  Being able to watch them make their own choices in life is great.  It makes them, them and not someone that other people want them to be.

Yes, they may look like us, act like us, but they are also a new individual and the world is their oyster.



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