Sunday, October 28, 2012

Are You Paranoid or just being cautious? Which is it?

Are you someone who gets paranoid every time a situation crops up and you feel yourself getting out of control and thinking the worst?  Do you find out that you are acting on it and making something big out of nothing? 

It can happen to all of us, where we begin to worry about things that haven't yet happened.  And sometimes it doesn't happen and other times it does.  Do you want to be prepared or do you just wait and let it happen without warning?

Or are you the person who thinks a situation through, gets a little paranoid, but then believes that most likely it wouldn't happen, but hey, maybe I should be prepared just in case?

Like say you think someone is cheating on you, but you don't know all the facts yet.  You aren't sure if he/she is or not.  Do you A:  jump the gun and bombard him with accusations?    Or do you B:  Wait, get all the facts and then ask your questions with a sane mind? Or are you the person who could be worrying and getting paranoia that you are going to walk in on him/her having sex with someone else?  Don't think the worst until it happens.

Or lets say you hear that the school bus has had an accident and you are worrying that your children are hurt or even dead.  Or the school has just had a bomb go off and you once again are thinking they are dead.  Stay calm and wait for the results.  You don't know yet if they are hurt or not and most likely they are going to be okay.

We have all kinds of circumstances that make us want to get paranoid.  Even me sometimes, but then I have to be rational and think, well most likely it wouldn't happen.
Another instance would be if you feel you may be in danger, don't get paranoid, but do think things through with a calm mind.

Like for instance, here's an example of something I am wondering about.  For the last week, I have had two nights where I get home to my apt. and I have found that my bedroom door is wide open, when I know I have shut it.  I shut my bedroom door to keep my cats out during the day while I am gone.  I shut it every morning.  My doors and windows are locked.  Here's the thing.  At first I think, yes, I know I shut it.  Then I have to question, Am I 100% sure I shut it?  Then I think, well, maybe I went in and got changed and came out and forgot to shut it.  That's possible.  I double checked and shut it yesterday before arriving to the kids house for my sleep over.  So this time, I know for a fact it's been 100% shut and if I arrive home tonight and find it open, I know for sure someone came into my apt.  My cats have never opened it, there is no way, plus it's been closed all year on them and never once did they open it. 

If you think you could possibly be in danger, you cannot hesitate.  Don't get paranoid but do have a potential plan in place.  Like if you have criminal neighbors above your head, at least you need to be prepared.  True, maybe you do not know them from atom, but suddenly you begin to hear all kinds of fights from them, you know them whether you want to or not and it puts you in potential danger. 

True, most likely nothing would happen, but you do need to be prepared.
Change your voice mail to an automated message as you don't want a bad person to know who you are.  Take precautions.  Don't go banging a broom up there or knocking on their doors.  Make sure you have good blinds or curtains so they can't see inside.  Lock your doors and your windows.  Although that will not keep a person out if they really want to get in.  People like that know how to pick a lock, jimmy them, break a window and so on.
This I didn't know.  You can get a text message in place in your drafts, so that if you feel threatened and someone is coming in to hurt you, all you have to do is press a button and they know what is happening to you and they can come to your address and give you the help you need.

Have things in place, have your phone charged always as you never know when you may need it.

Most likely, you would never need to have to use these precautions, but when you are faced with different situations especially if they could be potentially life threatening, you need to take precautions.

You have to protect your life, your body, your kids, as if something ends up happening to you, your kids are suddenly without a mother/father and that would be a terrible loss.
So yes, don't get paranoid but do make the necessary precautions that could possibly save your life if you ever needed to.

And don't let others make you think you are being really stupid about wanting to take precautions.  They aren't in your situation to realize what could or could not happen. If they were in your boat, they would probably would do the same things to protect themselves.  

So, if you feel like you could be in danger for any reason whatever, just ignore these people who laugh at you and think you are being paranoid.  True, most likely nothing would ever happen, but wouldn't you feel sorry if indeed something did happen to you and you didn't take precautions?  Just saying.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 28, 2012

Your Child: The Little Entrepreneur

Every child has the potential to want to be an entrepreneur at some point.  Encourage them to do this if they want.

It probably all starts when they request for you to help them set up their first lemonade stand when you have your neighborhood yard sale.  They want to naturally make money too.  It helps them to clean their rooms and they decide that they want to sell their toys so that they can buy new ones.
And then you laugh at the prices they want for their toys.  "You want $5 for your Cinderella barbie, honey?  How about $1 or $2."

Or the little boy who wants to sell his matchbox cars for a penny a piece.  Let him do it.  At least you won't end up stepping on them, right?

And the mother's want to help her kids with their little business as much as they can.  We slave over making cookies and brownies that people will give them a quarter or fifty cents for to go along with their little cup of lemonade.

When I am yard saling, I don't hesitate to buy lemonade from the kids as I want to help them out and make them feel good that they are earning some money too.  I think it is great when kids want to make their own money.

My daughter, Mollyanne has a new friend within the last few weeks and I think her friend may be a budding entrepreneur.  Last weekend she and her friend had been gone for a little bit and my ex told me that they went out raking people's yards.  They are both ten.  I laughed to myself, but then thought that was cool.  Meanwhile, my younger daughter caught the raking bud too and decided to rake her dad's yard so Dad will give her a little extra money.

It was really funny when Mollyanne and her friend came back as they ended up getting $54 and split it between the two of them!

I couldn't believe it.  It's a far cry from what I remember getting as a kid.  One winter a best grammar school friend and I went shoveling a few driveways for people and I think we earned $1 a piece for each driveway.  That was probably back in the late 70's.

This weekend, Mollyanne and her friend decided they would try to walk people's dogs.  I think they got to do one dog.  However, they ended up walking the dog, one of them stepped in doo doo and the person didn't end up giving them any money for walking the dog.  That was too bad.  If I was the adult I would have at least given them some money for doing it.

And now my ex and I are thinking about the leaves, as these people's yards are now covered in leaves again.  ha ha.

Anyway, if you think you have a budding entrepreneur, support them and let them go do their thing.  Let them try to sell.

Even the school fundraisers, if they want to go door to door, let them do it.  To an extent though.  You want to be careful that they go over board with that, as then it is going to be your job to help them make sure that they get all the orders straight.  

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 28, 2012

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Parental Cyber Bullying isn't Okay

What is it these days when parents start to resort to cyber bullying their children?  There is simply no need of it.

When a kid or a teenager nowadays does something he or she shouldn't do, some parents are taking it to extreme for their punishment and are embarrassing them online.

The was an instance not so long ago where a father plastered his child's mistake on you tube.  I do believe it was something along the lines of bathroom ettiquette.  And I think the little girl was quite young and didn't know.  The father was so insane and I think a lot of people were quite disgusted with how he handled the situation.

You don't plaster your child on the internet like that.  There is no excuse for it.
The other instance I would refer to are the parents who decide to punish their teen by plastering a bunch of goofy parent pictures on their child's facebook wall for all the friends to see.  Talk about cyber bullying.  Yes, maybe the parents thought it was funny, but now the child has to feel very embarrassed as all his/her friends now see all these embarrassing photos on the FB wall. I do not believe that this is the correct way to punish your child.

Whatever happened to the days when making your child stand in a corner was simply enough?  Or just flipping them over and giving them a spanking?  We got spanked and I turned out fine.  There are more private ways to punish your child without spreading the fact that they did something wrong and are punished on the internet for it.  In a way, this is like slander but slander to children.  Don't you think they have rights too?  You are ruining their reputation by doing this.  Have a little more respect for your children by teaching them right from wrong.

Showing them that you can publish them online, tells them that it will be okay for them to do it too and it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

How about ground your kids from seeing their friends for a week.  Hit them where it's going to count, but in private.  Don't broadcast them.

I got grounded in high school once for about a week.  My parents discovered I had gone swimming at the Saco River in Maine with some friends from work.  I didn't tell them.  I came home and stuffed my wet stuff in my duffle bag and hid it under the bed.

I would have never gotten caught, but they were looking for my brother's newt.  Good old Mom found my wet clothing and then they found the newt dead under the fridge.

Dad was really upset as he had lost his father when he was in high school to a drowning incident in Sebago Lake, Maine.  His father was an excellent swimmer, basketball coach, and teacher.  He and his friend went fishing and had miscalculated on the weather, capsizing the boat.  My grandfather drowned and his body was never found, however the friend survived.

Kids and teens do all kinds of things they shouldn't do, but as a parent you have to use good thinking and come up with a good disipline for their actions.  They do need a punishment, but cyber bullying takes it to extreme and should not be taking place.  The world will look down on you for it.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 25, 2012

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

If you Can't Have Trust, Can you Have Love?

                                          I took this picture earlier this summer.

Trust has always played a huge role in any successful relationship.  Whether it is between the trust of friends, co workers or anyone, there needs to be trust.  It plays a huge role on how the relationships will be played out.

And any successful relationship or a marriage needs to absolutely have a good foundation in trust before you can make sure that it stays strong.

Yes, we can fall in love, become infatuated, be happy in a new love interest and a developing relationship.  But in order for it to last, it needs to have the firm foundation of trust to make sure that it is going to be able to weather the storms.

No marriage or long term relationship is immune from conflict and potential disaster.  It's up to us to be able to us to understand that trust needs to be constant.

If there is always this feeling of jealousy, mistrust and feelings that the other half may be doing something that we don't like and we have suspicions and lack of trust, naturally those relationships could potentially fall apart.

When we love someone, we have to be strong and believe that there is a good relationship and that we can work things out with each other.  We need to understand one another, have compromise, listen respectively to each other's needs and pay attention.  Also it is important to fulfill each other's needs too.

So, so important that both partners get what they want.  Especially if it is really important to the other half.  True, not every single need is going to get met, but the important ones should get met.  If they don't, it means that the other half simply doesn't care to fulfill your needs.

Love does not get stronger without the trust in each other.  You need to have a very firm belief that you can trust your partner with all your thoughts and wishes, desires, hopes and dreams.  Your partner should be able to be there just to hold you, tend to the simple things. 

A hug, a kiss, holding hands and sittlng beside each other really means so much.  This is primarily what a woman is asking for.  True, we do love flowers and chocolate and other pretty things, but the thing a woman really wants isn't that stuff.  We want the intimacy and the affection that should come along with the trust.
If we feel like we don't get any of this intimacy, you could also find that the trust could get damaged.  With the lack of intimacy, we women feel that a man doesn't care, that he doesn't find us attractive.  It makes us feel, what have we done wrong.

Trust should be built as a strong wall around this thing called love.  I will also tell all men and women, that once someone destroys the trust, it is damaged, severed and there could potentially be no hope to salvage should you wish to do so.

Think about what you are doing before you make an effort to destroy the trust.  True, you can sometimes gain back this trust, but it could very well take a long time to reverse the wrongs.  And the damage has been done and there will be the hurt that is there.  You could be forgiven, but the other partner will not forget.  You must know that.  The memory is always going to be there.

If you really believe 100% in your vows, your marriage, your long term relationship, then think before you leap into stupidity and dumbness.  Don't make foolish mistakes.

I would also suggest to all couples is pick up a copy of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus.  I'm reading it now.  I'm out of my relationship, but we are friends again.  Not to say what the future holds, as none of us know the future.  But understanding one another is the key to forgiveness and it really sets you free.

I'm only into the first chapter so far and it is a very good read.  I think one of the most important things he stresses is both partners should win.  I know I have mentioned this before, but will say it again.  The book also seems to celebrate our differences.  After all, we can't all be the same, right?

If you seriously want your relationship to work with the one you love and you would like to believe that it can and will last forever, it means you are going to have to have a trust in each other that cannot be broken.

Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted October 25, 2012

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Why Jumping to Conclusions can get Us in Trouble

How many of us have had times when we jumped to conclusions about things?  It is so easy to do in any sort of relationship.  It happens so often that it is probably ridiculous when we think about it.  Kids do it to other kids and adults do it too.  Or sometimes kids get angry with an adult because they may think they are talking about them when they are talking about someone else.

And it is very often when we don't know the whole story about something, when we find ourselves jumping to conclusions.  I finally talked with my ex boyfriend about a lot of things and I am feeling terrible that I had jumped to conclusions and I was wrong and things hadn't happened.  I guess I am just lucky that I haven't completely burned bridges and we are friends.  And he's talking to someone which shows me he is trying.  That's good.

I think when people jump to conclusions, we do have to own it when we realize things weren't the way we thought they were.  But you know it is so easy to do at the time you see or hear things.  You begin to put two and two together and you think,  hmmm.... this and this and this just doesn't add up.  WTF.  And before you know it, you've flown off the handle and are thinking the worst.

And usually when we do this, we act first and think later.  Isn't that the way?  We don't think to sit down with the person and ask all the questions.  We start to talk and vent and before you know it, you have landed into some trouble.  In this instance, it is important to fix what you can and try to just say sorry and own it and hope for the best.  You will either burn your bridges in the process or there could be hope to salvage.
They also have to know where you are coming from though too, because most of the time in all these instances you aren't the only one who caused the problem.  There is usually some conflict from the other party too where maybe they need to say sorry too.  Especially in a relationship.  Sometimes we jump to conclusions about things because something important didn't happen for us and your other half needs to realize why you acted the way you did.  Maybe you were angry and you felt your trust taken away and the love got damaged and destroyed.  Well, maybe not completely destroyed, however there's now that dent in the can because he/she did something to make you question their actions too.

I guess what people need to do is rationally sit down together and discuss things, hear both sides and then go from there how they want to solve an issue.

And I will tell you honestly, closure feels so good.  We just can't sometimes just leave things with just a few things said and leave it at that.  It takes sitting down and listening to the whole thing and learning to understand one another.

And if you can still be friends, that's great.  And if you want more, just give it time and see what happens.  If things are meant to be, it will happen.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 24, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Successful Marriages Need Constant Compromise

If you want your marriage or your long term relationship to be successful and rock solid you will need to learn about compromise.  It really does play a very important role in learning about your mate.

Nobody will tell you that you will have a happy and healthy relationship if you don't practice good compromise.

Have you ever in the past just decided that you wouldn't budge and that you are always the one that is right?  Ever felt like you don't want to commit to his needs?  Or you just don't want to give in and you would rather want to be the one who always gets what you want?

Any couple has to know that you really need to sit down and compromise and do it often to make sure that your marriage grows and prospers into something that is a give and take for each of you.

It just can't be one sided.  Sometimes it can begin that you don't want to give in and you are firm in your beliefs, but then you have to set yourself aside and think, Is it going to hurt this relationship if I don't give in?
Maybe what needs to be done is for both of you to meet half way and agree on certain things.  Don't turn something small into a major fight.

Any time there is a conflict that arises, both parties need to sit down and do some constructive talking about how each of you feels about something.  Don't raise voices, but talk about things rationally with a level head.  Listen to each other, and work out a compromise.  You will feel so much better after you work it out and try to find a good solution that you both are going to agree on.

Fighting and not deciding to think about where your partner is coming from is not going to be good for your relationship.

After all, you do want a happy one.  I'm not guaranteeing you that it is going to be perfect every single day as we all know it won't be.  Everyone knows that all marriages and successful relationships have days when nobody is perfect.

Maybe you got upset that he didn't do the dishes or he left his dirty socks all over the floor.  Or maybe he gets angry with you because you may have lit into him, badgered him or any other little nagging thing that men often don't like.

I think that the older we get, we learn what men and women do not like.  We've come a long way since we were those young teenagers and we know and learn compromise fast.  Not to say that everyone learns.  There are some people that just don't end up gaining that maturity and are forever immature and don't know how to treat a woman.  Or vice versa, a man.

But as adults, we come to learn that we have to keep working at our relationships to make them work.  It's important to work it out.

I just recently purchased Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  I haven't begun to read too much yet.  I'm only into the first few pages where he talks about how his wife had a hard day and she just wanted him to hug her and to talk with her.  This I think changed his life.

Sometimes that is all it takes is a hug and to know that your partner wants to show you his/her undivided attention and just always be there for you.

I do know from a quote from the book that John Gray states that in a successful relationship, both partners should win.  How true that is.  An unhealthy relationship is always going to have one partner getting his or her way so much more than the other and that will cause remorse, and unhappiness upon the one who gets the short end of the stick.

Those twigs should be even Steven.  At least for the most part.  Nobody wants to see that one twig be 12 inches long and the other is only one inch.  Goes to show that there will not be much give and take in that one.  And they will be facing divorce or a separation at any given time.

Work at it, listen to each others needs, make an effort to fulfill them and show that you care.  You can use your words as much as you want but the other half is going to be going by what your actions tell them as that is what counts.

If you want your marriage or long term relationship to be successful, you need first of all your commitment of unconditional love, and then you need to compromise with each other each and every day to know exactly what makes each of you tick.

You will always be separate people even though you are  in a successful relationship, but that is what will make it work for you.  You can't make him be exactly like you and he won't be able to make you do all the things he wants you to do.  It doesn't work that way.

You are going to fold your laundry one way, and he's going to load the dishwasher the way he wants to.  Don't tell her that she needs to get her Ebay packages out of the car right this minute because the items are going to fade in the sun.  Trust me, they won't fade in the sun in one day.  And don't tell him that he needs to put the lawn mower in the garage right this minute either.  He probably wants a break to eat a Hungry Man Sandwich.

Celebrate your differences.  You aren't from the same mold.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 15, 2012

                                             My flower photography

                                          Don't you think that your marriage or relationship needs to be the blossoming flower?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Writing Advice: Good Weeks and Bad Weeks

As writers, we have to come to a focus at the end of each week to figure out how we did during the week.  Did we have a crappy week of writing or did we excel and meet our quotas?
I think this is what we all face as writers.  We have really good weeks when we think we got a really good jump on our writings and other weeks that we just didn't get much accomplished.  It happens.

Each night before we go to bed we have a mental picture of how we want the next day to look like and we've got this fictional instruction guide in our head that tells us in what order we want to do what we set out to finish.

And then we dream and wonder if all those tasks are really going to get done.  Does it happen or does it not?

I know it has happened for me on certain days and on others I have failed.

Like some days, I tell myself I am going to write one or two chapters in each of the new novels and does it end up happening?  No.  I procrastinated and did everything but what I told myself I was going to do.
And other days, I manage to pump out a new chapter to each novel and sometimes more.  They are progressing nicely, that's all I can say.

Just a note:  On days they are progressing nicely, will mean that perhaps the blogging is slacking.  I will try to make sure I keep blogging and sharing too.  That's important.  Which is why today is a sharing day for blogging here and at Triond.  Another note, lately I do have the same articles here as Triond for some of them.  I think I will do that just here and there as I would like to earn a little extra money.

I also think on some weeks, it just seems like everything else gets in the way.  Of course for me right now, I'm still sharing the laptop with Julia.  Thank god Christmas is getting closer.  And today, she is happily downstairs playing on the PS3 which is why I am able to pump out a few extra articles and later when she wants to reclaim the laptop, I will end up handwriting some chapters and perhaps a little bit more knitting.

I whipped up a few headbands last week.  One is cool.  If you know how to make the basic i cord.  You knit up two of them and then sew them together and you end up with a headband that looks like two.  Kind of bohemian style.

  And I took a few naps which were needed and extra cups of coffee and did the guilty pleasure of snacking on some bags of kettle cooked chips.  Which surely wasn't good for my body, but it tasted great!!!!!

I would say if we could make one food fat free and good for us forever, it would be chips, desserts and chocolate!!!!!  Across the board.

This is why Pinterest is so addicting and IF I stayed there all day and could really eat all those pictures, I would be ten thousands of pounds easily.  Blame it on Pinterest!!!  Pinterest made me do it!!!  ha ha.
So, yes, last week was a time waster for me, and I'm hoping to make this week a better more productive one.  Although, I did manage to get a few chapters done, but not like I wanted.

I guess what all of us writers need to do and anyone that wants to accomplish what they set out to do is to set what it is you want to get done and then try your best to do it.  But don't feel bad if you don't get to everything as there's always another day to make sure you get it done.

That is if it's really what is on your agenda.  If something never gets done, then it's not a part of your real goals.  Otherwise, you would have done it by now.

The most important thing is to just take every week as it comes and naturally we are going to have good weeks as well as the bad.  Life does manage to get in the way sometimes and we just have to accept it.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 14, 2012

Breakups: Does a Woman Need a Man to Satisfy her?

Does a woman always need a man in her life to feel satisfied?  Not always.  Although when we go through a break up, divorce, separation of any sort, we often do feel like we are missing something and want a man in our lives again.

That is only natural too.  When I got separated from my ex about three to four years ago, I immediately wished I could have a man in my life again.  I think I was a little more lonely and really missed having someone to share everything with.  Yet, at that time too friends said, take your time and have your alone time before finding someone new.  One said that all men come with baggage and they wanted me to be cautious before discovering I've found new baggage.

Take your time, women!  I did take my time back then and didn't immediately jump into anything new.  You figure that it takes all women time to get over any sort of break up.  You've probably been hurt, and find yourself afraid to get hurt again.  That's natural.
I maybe dated one or two guys that first year, and neither one was very long.  One was romantic and the other was just a friend and we did a few things together with no romantic attachment.  Friends.

Here's the thing.  I like many of you other women am just not ready to find someone new that is going to be more suitable to my needs yet.  And hey, that's okay!  It takes time to heal, and I think we all owe it to ourselves to do that, to reflect on what the past relationship was, find our closure, our questions, our answers, our solutions, and then to decide where we want to go from there.  It does take time as sometimes we don't get our answers right away as to why the relationship failed.  But we do need to know why.  Every man needs to be able to supply us with the answers to our unsolved questions.

Naturally to move on is what we want.  For some women, all it takes is one or two days and we can just shrug off the whole relationship and for others it takes a little longer.  I've heard for some women, it can take up to two years or more.  There is no time limit on moving on.  And I suppose there are also women who feel they are trapped forever and can't get past something.  Especially if they were hurt really badly.
Like say, emotional, verbal or physical abuse.  That takes a long time sometimes.  Not on every level.  Sometimes a woman can move on quickly from it, yet there still may be some issues that she didn't ever get closure from.

It's very important to get your closure, as it is a part of the healing process.  Knowing all the facts is also a part of the closure.  Women don't like to be left in the dark, as it is the detective in us to have the knowledge of the past and move on.  It doesn't mean we forget.  We don't forget but eventually we do forgive.  Forgiveness is releasing and it truly sets us free.

That's why I've got a good friendship with my ex husband for me and my children.  He's the father of my four children and I am thankful for that.  Be a good role model for your children and be friends with their father.  Don't pitt them against him.  He's a good man really.  Maybe you and him didn't get along but please set aside your differences for your kids.

So, now that you aren't with anyone for the moment, why would you feel the need that you want to jump right back in with someone?  This could be true too for a man who has been hurt by the woman that he loved.  Why should he jump right back in too?  It's a universal feeling to be hurt, and also to feel that we want someone to love again.

We all really do deserve to find love again, and again and again.  For some of us, we will find it the next time around and hopefully it is perfect (well, with a few flaws), but we naturally want the next one to be the one.  We don't want to keep searching.

And we shouldn't really make a big effort to search.  Sometimes the best one comes along when we are not even looking.

Why should you feel the need that you absolutely need a man to define yourself?  Huh?  You don't.  Yes, it is nice, but you don't need one right away.  Give yourself a break.  I am.  As I speak, it is coming into Halloween and right now I just want to enjoy my holidays and make my children my number one priority.  And I'm focusing on my novels that I want to self publish next year, depending on where they are then.  That's my needs right now.

I want to be able to get a good dent in these novels before I find a new man and suddenly don't perhaps have as much time to spend on them.  I would like to find myself halfway or more through The Glorious Money Tree Trilogy. (At least book number one) and I want to make another good dent in Good Girls, Bad Girls.  And I've got the book I want to write on my Mom.  Memories of Mom, Stories and Family Recipes. 

And I've got the sequel to my first self published book, Black Roses, that's half way finished.
And I knit headbands, bracelets and scarves.

So  looking at all this, technically I don't need a man until 2015!  Ha ha.  But it would be nice to find a new one much before that.

We don't usually want a really long break from a man, but a break is sometimes called for. 
Take time to find yourself, do the things you like to do.  Have some fun with your girlfriends and spend time with family.

A man will find you when you are good and ready.

We are women and it's natural that we want to find someone who is going to love us, say all the right things, give us flowers and chocolates and the whole nine yards, and above all we want someone that is going to be kind, honest and decent and just love us for who we are.  And we will want to give back to him.

That's what a good relationship is.  Compromise, love, laughter, being with each other and sharing a life and both believing that both parties should win.

But when we are ready, we want to find someone that is going to be good to us.  We don't want to end up finding yet another jerk that is going to treat us like crap.  Right?

It doesn't guarantee that it won't happen again, but it could.  Sometimes women don't see the signs until we are in it again and it's too late.  And when you do, you need to decide if it's what you want to stay in or do you want to get out?  It's up to you.

And for the man, it's up to him too.  If he feels that he isn't getting what he wants, he will walk out too.
So, take your time.  Enjoy your life without a man for a while.  You had a life without him once and you can do it again.  It's the only way you are going to grow and change as the woman that you are.

And above all a woman absolutely deserves to get her needs met and so does the man.  Across the board needs deserve to get met.

Jennifer Jo. Fay

Copyrighted October 14, 2012

                                                      My flower photo I took many years ago.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Get Evernote for your Laptop

Earlier in the year, I had signed up for Evernote, but really didn't know too much about it.  I didn't try it at that time.

Yesterday, I decided to download it to my laptop.  It's really easy to do and it's free.  There are also some other features that you can download, such as clip, Skitch and others.  I'm not too familiar with them.
Once you download Evernote and start using it, you will become addicted and find out how easy it is.  You can create as many notebooks as you like and create all kinds of notes for each one.

You could use it as your daily journal, notes for just about anything, a place to store all your recipes, or anything else you may like using it for.

I haven't tried this yet, but I'm sure that you can upload a photo to it too and do lots of other things.  You can share your notes if you want, print them of course, etc....

I think I am going to end up using mine for my research notes too.  I kind of started a file for my research notes in microsoft word, but I might just rather have it in Evernote.

That way, I can have a note for each topic and it should be easier to look up when I need to find something.  Instead of scrolling through my whole research files.

I think I am going to want to use it for my knitting notes too, like patterns that I want to type in that I am working on.  I tend to be able to just knit without the pattern once I get going and memorize it, but it's nice to have it in several different places too.  And we all know that the paper versions can get messed up, ripped, torn and spill coffee stains on it.  It's good to know we can have things saved permanently.

I might try Skitch down the road, but obviously will not be doing that now, with no ipad.  ha ha.  I love the Livescribe smart pen too and my HTC tablet.  The tablet also has a place for writing notes and keeping a notebook.  I think it's all good to have on hand.  What if you feel like leaving the laptop at home and you would rather just have something smaller, or another night I might rather write with my Livescribe pen.  I want my options open to write with anything.  Even the old fashioned writing pads are great and good to know that they never go out of style.

And then there's the paper towels, napkins and chalk!  A Triond friend told me of someone who writes with chalk on the wall when she's in the shower.  That was funny!

And yes, we should all keep a pad of paper by the bedside just in case we get woken up to our inspiration.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 7, 2012

Would you watch The Remake of Steel Magnolias?

I caught this briefly on the Today Show and saw they had on Queen Latifah and Felicia Rashad and other cast members.  I wasn't too sure what it was all about but in there I was hearing Steel Magnolias

I did a little more researching and discovered that it is a Lifetime movie remake airing on October 8th, (I hope the date is right.  It's either the 8th or the 10th and is coming right up)

The original movie was made back in 1989 and of course was a tremendous success with Julia Roberts debut, Sally Fields, Olympia Dukakis, Dolly Parton, and others.  I loved the original.

To boot, the producer of the original movie does not want this one to air, and is suing for compensation for her cut.  They should tend to her needs as she was the one who originally came up with it, and they're trying to cash in on her success.  Not right.

I'm not really sure if I would want to see this new one.  I mean, I like Queen Latifah's movies, but I don't really know the rest of the actresses and I didn't really care for Felicia Rashad, even when back when she played Claire HUxtable.  I did watch the show for the sake of watching it, but it wasn't my favorite.  I guess I liked watching the younger actors.

Sometimes a remake can be good and sometimes it can tank and people just like the original so much better.  I really feel that I loved the original and will not commit myself to watching this one.  I loved all the original characters and nobody beats Sally Field.  And Olympia Dukakis and Shirley MacLaine were excellent paired together in it.  It really had some good funny parts in it, mixed with sad parts and I feel that the originally actors did the best at it and nobody is going to top them.

I think it is different when there is a remake of say an old black and white movie or one that has been done a long time ago. 

I guess people want to do these remakes to see if they can make them different.  I would really hate to see someone do a remake of Breakfast at Tiffanys.  Nobody can top Audrey Hepburn in that one.
Why do the do them anyway?  It's not so much that we want to see the movie storyline replayed again as we would know the outcome.  They just want us to see it with different actors and actresses in it with their modern effects and their take on it.

Don't get me wrong, some remakes are excellent especially when they have been done on a grand movie scale level and you go to the theaters to see them.  King Kong's remake with Naomi Watts was excellent.  I do believe there was quite the gap in the years between the first King Kong movies and that one.  We had Fay Wray, Jessicca Lange and then finally Naomi Watts.  I hope they stop on that one as three is enough.

Then there was the remake of Psycho, which was also well done, but nothing beats Alfred Hitchcock's classic shower scene.  I love Alfred Hitchcock movies.
Although I can't do his silent ones.  I had bought them not knowing they were silent and I popped one in to watch.  Boy, was I disappointed.  Maybe some people can do silent, but in our modern world most of us cannot watch that anymore.  We like noise.

I think it is how the remake has been put together that either makes it tank or swim.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 7, 2012

Friday, October 5, 2012

Two Chapters a Day can be Your Novel in Four Months

Two Chapters a day really could be our novels within four months time.  It can be done, seriously.  And what if we are able to pump out more than that each day, just imagine what we could accomplish if we can find the will to JUST DO IT. 

Crush your writer's block right now and commit yourself to finding the courage to write your voice down on your blank page.  Kick WB out of the ball park and get on with it.  Like we need it, right?  However, it is the woe of the writer from time to time.

We are not always going to wake up and have our inspiration at our fingertips and our brains haven't yet been stirred.  Yes, we're still thinking of our coffee.  I'll be right back, I've got to heat up my second cup for the day.  I was doing great for a while cutting back to one cup and lately, I've been wanting another cup to keep me going.

Have you seen the picture of the coffee cup yet with the face on it and his tongue is reaching up to catch the drip coming down?  Funny.  I still love the favorite cup with the coffee beans glued to the outside.  That one would be classic, but then it's probably impossible to wash.  That would bother me having a dirty cup with dirty beans.

I haven't yet, begun to write new chapters this morning.  It's pushing 11am and I've been writing some posts on Triond and a few here.  I slowed down doing this for a few days and needed to get back to this too as I have committed myself to writing daily on the blog and need to make sure I keep it up.

However, for the last two or three days, I've been working on my novels making sure that I can get my new chapters written.

A few days ago, I got a few new ones in there for Good Girls, Bad Girls.  It felt really satisfying after getting the next two chapters in.  I think that one is up to chapter 11 or 12 now.  I worked more on getting Lucinda's side of the story in some more and I've introduced the BAD BOY!!!!!  Yay!!!!

You can't have a bad girl without a bad boy.  Fun.  Fun.  Fun. 

The two woman are going to connect at some point, so I've got to start thinking about how they are going to meet each other.

The little girl who stole from me in real life was in the front seat of the bus this morning, so I said hi and was asking how she was liking school.  I am glad that she knows that the book isn't about her.  Kids are funny, when they see the old title:  The Thief Who Wouldn't Learn, they automatically think it's about them.  I made sure my girls told her it wasn't about her.  It did get sparked from the incident, but it ends there.  I don't even think I need to have anything hardly at all come into play in the story. It will be completely different if it does.

Anyway, she was funny this morning.  She was asking if I had published the book yet, and I told her it most likely won't be until next year.  And then, even though I will want to get it published, I would like to get the first book in The Glorious Money Tree Trilogy published first.

Yesterday, I got two more chapters written on The Glorious Money Tree Trilogy.  That was great to see that progress too.  There now is a love story in there developing with Sally's parents.  Possibly love triangles in there too.  A good fantasy trilogy also needs a love story attached I think.

Or several love stories.

This one is about 80 pages now and I think into Chapter Nineteen.  When I got it off the blog, it was into Chapter Fourteen or Fifteen.  I decided to change part of the format of my chapters and to make them a little longer with scene breaks   *************  This kind of thing in between. 

I was in the middle of a chapter with Lara, Sally's mother and I wanted to have several different scenes with her and different people in it before I go back to chapters of Sally and her friends.

I think I will try to do the same thing with some of the Sally chapters.

An important thing as a writer of novels, is when you have your main characters, you need to make sure that the reader doesn't wait too long before they get to read about each one.  They should be in there often. 

I think one of the reason I am going to have my chapters a little longer now with scene breaks is because I want to make sure that every important character has a continual place in the story.  So their perspectives are going to come into view.

I remember once in my book review for Black Roses, the editor who criticized it complained that my main character's cat only came into the novel once and then that was it.  At the time, I read that though I was thinking that the story wasn't about the cat.  Now, I got thinking maybe it should have been in the story a little bit more.

This will probably be the last post for today, as I do need to get back to writing another chapter or two to one of the novels before Julia comes home and requests the laptop.

Hey 12 more weeks until Santa hopefully delivers!  It's hard to believe it's almost here.

Just got my first morning laugh in.  I'm sitting here watching Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb and Hoda says, "I wish I had a wig." 
Kathie Lee says, "I don't think they come in that size."

Funny what little simple things can get us going.  They were talking about how far would you go if you are having a bad hair day.

I think for me, if I have a bad hair day, I simply deal with it and leave it as is because it isn't going to get any better that day to begin with.

Why should we look absolutely perfect each day, when we all come with flaws?  Let's embrace bad hair days!!!

Anyway, if we can 100% commit ourselves to our novels, just imagine how many we could possibly get done in a year's time.

Maybe we too could pump them out like James Patterson.

I'm thinking when the girls come home, I'm going to work some more on my illustration of Peachanella for the story.  I've been waiting to gather some of my ferns for part of the picture and basically need to draw in the ferns and get the rest of the illustration done so I can go onto doing the color work.  Perhaps this weekend's goal.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 5, 2012

I liked this quote today: 

People take different roads
seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.

Dalai Lama

Here's some of my older pictures I've used before.  I'm having a problem this morning uploading my new pictures.  I might have to go and destroy my cookies.

Our Writing Craft Hinges on Inspiration

Our writing craft really hinges on inspiration and when it decides to hit us do we find ourselves acting on it or do we discover that we decided not to leap forward and grab for that pen?
I've heard it so many times that we try to find anything that we can write on in order to get our thoughts down on paper.  We including myself have written on paper towels before.  I cannot say that I've ever written on toilet paper yet, as that would be a crapper of material to write on.  I'm sure we would get a nasty hole as soon as we force that pen upon it.
Paper towels work well though.  Back when I worked in the fitting room at a local Marshalls, I had this time on my hands to twiddle my thumbs.  Let's face it, it can get boring in there.  I wasn't the only one.  I wrote down notes on paper towels, other girls brought in a magazine or a book to read a page or two when there was absolutely nothing to do.  We had tended to all our customers, put all the clothing where it needed to go and cleaned up diligently, and then there was all this time to stare endlessly.
I caught hell for it a few times, when the other girls didn't.  It wasn't fair, but oh well.
I've been one to have a few index cards in the side of the car in case I got stuck in traffic.  We bring things on appointments as we often find ourselves waiting in an office for a little bit.  Might as well not have idle hands.
When do you find yourself doing your most effective writing?  Is it during the day, morning, afternoon or evening?  We can certainly pump out the writing all day, but is it all going to be effective?  We do know that some of it is going to need to go out the door.
There is something said for editing.  Edit, edit, edit and do it some more.
What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night with inspiration?  You've just had a marvelous idea and you want to write a synopsis on it or just simply write down the idea before it disappears.  I've done this sometimes, where I will not be tired at 1am and I want to get up and write something down or do something.  I've also been known to get up and knit for a tiny bit too.
We all probably have nights when we would rather be up doing something and we will get our much needed rest the next night.
Also, as people get older, sometimes we don't need as much sleep.  I'm ony 44 on my way to 45, but I always remember my Grammy in her older age being up late at night reading.  I guess the older you get, you probably feel that time is precious and maybe you don't have much of it left.  Why waste a minute of it, right?
There have been other nights where I just didn't feel like getting up and didn't want to write anything.  And I either remember the idea or I don't.
Our craft really does need that inspiration to exist in order to create and push ourselves to new discoveries.  Without it, our brains would be that empty football filled with hot air.  Nothing in there to inspire us.  That's why we are more like a sponge, soaking up our inspiration so that we can spill out to the world what we love to create.

Jennifer Jo Fay

Copyrighted October 5, 2012